Tug-of-War

Any parent can appreciate the following anology--parenting is like a game of tug-of-war. I don't know about you, but the image of me on one side of the rope and the kids, husband, family duties on the other side has recently been popping up in my head (kinda like a comic strip balloon pop-up). Is it wrong to want to dedicate time to myself? I constantly find myself torn between giving the kids their much-needed one-on-one time, or trying to find more healthful, and sometimes complicated meals, for the family, dedicating those last few hours before going to sleep to my hubby--and giving myself some time to do basic things like cut my nails or even FLOSS!! Life is kinda crazy right now, and I'm sure in 10 years I'll laugh at how chaotic this small clip of my life was. But for now I feel that I have every right to hold my own in this tug-of-war. If I give in sometimes it's good: for the kids, the hubby, the home, family life in general. If I don't give in sometimes it's also good: it gives mom sanity and a feeling of self--which after all is needed if you're going to keep the anchor of the family going. If I'm not feeling satisfied, and whole, it can wreak havoc on the family at the end. So, one of my biggest goals in 2014 is to take time for myself, unapologetic, without regrets--it's become essential to my well-being. I'm already feeling much cheerier and hopeful at the thought of this. It's as if some burden has been lifted off of me--you are allowed to be happy, to look good (at times), to be selfish and want things just for yourself. Yay ME!

Merry Christmas...we're alive!

We had a rough holidays this year. I say rough because we were sick, everyone except little princess. Some nasty cold virus that is going around. But staying home and not traveling was probably a blessing in disguise. I was wearing myself out with a busy schedule. My husband was as well. The kids were probably suffering from a little bit of TV syndrome--that empty look that goes on their faces when the TV comes on.

It was a good thing I got sick. I think I finally realized that I need to start taking time for myself. The kids might go crazy, the house might be messy, it might seem chaotic at times. But I was seriously suffering from lack of TLC for myself. I'm still working on it. I feel that my body is slowly waking up. Hopefully soon, I will be able to get back into a workout routine. My mood is already looking brighter. Even sexually, I've perked up. 2014 might just be a year of change. Just like everything, this decision to take care of myself was a long time coming. I had heard it from my mom, my sister, even good friends. I had also seen other poor souls who I felt needed to take time out for themselves. Finally, I don't feel guilty anymore. For some reason, I felt as if taking time out for myself was neglecting my children. WRONG. Actually taking time for myself is being a good and better mom for my kids. I don't want them to see pictures of me tired and bedraggled all the time. I want them to have a good image of me. I want to be active, fun, engaging. Not simply going through the paces of motherhood. I'm very excited about this realization. Yay me!! Now of course, every day is a small step towards that committment that I've made. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Lazy Sunday

Today, we decided to let the kids sleep in and just relax at home. No church, no errands. Just a lazy day at home. I plan on cooking a few meals and freezing them. Next week will be a busy one, and I want to be ready--cooking will not be a priority. So here I am, enjoying a few minutes of quiet time with a cup of coffee. The time before the baby wakes up, before the middle child gets up and complains about a nightmare, or a wet bed! It's times like these that you do count your blessings for a healthy, happy family. Tomorrow it's on to tackle the world. But for today, it's a lazy day.

Brave New World

Today, I woke up to more news about the Navy Yard shooter. I remember driving by the Navy Yard on several occassions and thinking what an interesting part of D.C. it was. The base looked secure and the houses quaint. There's a part of me that's relieved that there were no children involved in this shooting. This shooting. I think it's safe to say that we all expect others to come. This has become some sort of strange norm. I feel so bad for my children and their children. How did mass shootings become the norm in the United States?

Today I also went to my daughter's kindergarten curriculum meeting at school. The teacher told us how kindergarteners are now part of the standardized testing and are required to read, count to 100 and do certain geometry  problems, all by the end of the school year. Gone are the days when kindergarteners took naps at school. It's a brave new world for my little girl and her classmates. More and more of their time will be spent passing standardized tests so that teachers and school administrators can quantify students' performance and subsequently their own (the teachers). We (parents) are told this is an effort to further our children so they will be able to compete and thrive as professional adults. The real reason seems to me less romantic and much more simplistic: MONEY. High standardized tests scores means more money for the schools and bonuses for the teachers. What we're failing to see is that the good schools will continue to stay good and the bad schools will continue to fail---status quo. Why? The schools that are doing well are usually doing well because parents are involved--making sure their children are studying and passing their standardized tests. This testing puts more pressure on the students to perform--at an early age like kindergarten. I hope my daughter doesn't feel or think she's getting tested--I would think she'd feel pressure and may not test well at all. The notion of her going to kindergarten and being in a nurturing environment is out the window -- my bubble has been burst. Although her teacher is a sweet lady, there's only so much she can do to keep learning fun. I felt her anxiety today as she explained to us the testing and came out with a  new word which she kept repeating: RIGOR.

I came back home after the meeting and read a book to my daughter--just for enjoyment. Tomorrow, when she gets home from school, I will let her play a little longer. Reading and math can always be done another day.

Melancholy

This picture was taken shortly after our little cowboy's birth 2 summers ago. Time does go by fast. It's amazing how both kids have changed, both physically and developmentally. Our little princess is still as cute as ever, although now, slightly more cautious than when she was 2. Our son, or our little jokester, as we also like to call him--he has an uncanny wit for such a young boy.

I'll treasure this picture of them forever. Now that we're expecting baby #3, I hope that they welcome her with the same wonder as we did the little cowboy. I hope that all three children realize how precious they are to each other; how they will become each others best friends, allies in what can sometimes seem a harsh world. My day begins early with almost always a daily dose of squabbles among the kids--at the end of the day, however, they say good night and give each other a good night kiss. More and more, I am starting to notice that bond between them. They do in fact, care and are interested in each other. This weekend, while the princess spent the night at the grandparent, the little cowboy asked about her--I detected a little sadness in his voice. Yes, I do believe they'll be best friends...someday.

Christmas Wrap Up

The holidays were a much anticipated event around here. We were eagerly awaiting for the arrival of my family from Panama. My aunts and their families definitely added some of the Latin warmth and cheer this Christmas.

My intent this year was to make Christmas, just that, a season to celebrate with family and friends the birth of Jesus. Although I tried to incorporate some of the religious traditions, I realized that my children are fairly young and there will be time for them to learn more and get more into the details of this religious time.

So many memories will forever be etched in my mind. It was great to come running down the stairs Christmas morning and see our Little Cowboy as he jumped on the trampoline Santa gave him-- he is so skinny that his pants had fallen to his ankles with all the jumping around. Our Princess was excited to make a gingerbread house for the first time and also to see that Santa had eaten all his cookies except for one he left behind (in her mind this one was for her). I hope my children don't outgrow the wonder of Santa too soon. I know some children as young as 6 that already smirk when you mention Santa. That expression of wonder and excitement on a kid's face is pure magic if you ask me.

Besos,
Vanessa

6 months and counting

It seems like this pregnancy has gone by faster than the others. Although anything lasting 9 months is a little too long for me. I haven't had too many setbacks with pregnancy, I did have a little morning sickness during the first couple of months. My goal of working out during the pregnancy has been a complete bust. I guess I'm getting some exercise chasing after the kids, running errands and the day to day of the household. Sometimes I wonder how I became such a housewife in a relatively short 4 years. This Sunday, hubs and I celebrated our 7th anniversary--time has definitely flown by. We've lived in three different homes, and will soon have three children. Soon, we will be planning our fourth move, location still to be determined--for us. The newborn baby will probably be around 6 weeks at the time of the move--the same happened when we had our second child.

At times like these I try to keep things in perspective and look at all the blessings we have as a family. Even though it can be stressful not knowing where we will be moving to, we do not have the stress of losing a job. So far, we've managed to keep our little family healthy, the kids are growing and make us laugh with their antics. I tell myself, just breathe, take a little time and life will not seem like such a whirlwind. After all, I'm sure it's human nature to want change when you don't have it and to want a state of permanance in the midst of chaos.

Besos,
Vanessa