Before the thoughts evade me

We're in the middle of a polar vortex that's hit most of the United States. The words seem so gloomy. It is awfully cold, even here in the south. But today, in the middle of this polar vortex, in the middle of what is and has been a chaotic life for the past 3 1/2 years--it hit me. The exact moment was when I was nursing my youngest, my now 8 month-old daughter. She was nursing and falling asleep, beautiful eyes closed, her long eyelashes hitting her cheeks. She was so calm, so perfect. It then hit me: how luck I am to be a part of this moment with her. How many moms don't have the privilege to be nursing their young ones, in the comfort of their home, warm when everything else seems so cold and uninviting. I held her for a few minutes longer, nuzzled against her. Really I was silently thanking her for letting me be with her. I also thanked God for letting me realize what the true gifts in life are. I've been asking for wisdom,  for strength, for patience, for patience, for patience. How many moms don't have the time in their daily chaotic life to realize what precious gifts children give to us in their moments of silence, of sillyness, of brilliance. We live such distracted lives--multi-tasking from one moment to the next. Having to keep a balance between it all. I actually got another present not too long after I put my baby girl to sleep. I went into our kitchen where my middle child was rolling out play-dough shapes. I sat down next to him--dedicated a whole 20 minutes of my time to rolling out play-dough stars. He counted them, 13 of them all!! He counted to 13 all by himself. How wonderful, it's a progress from a little boy who is usually so busy running around dressed up as a superhero. This was his moment of calm, our moment together as mother and son--a quiet time in the middle of this polar vortex. So here I am writting this post, while my baby sleeps and my son eats his peanut butter pretzels. I'll cut it short for now, more thoughts on the great gift of motherhood later. But I wanted to share this with other moms. Motherhood just like most things in life are a series of pieces that have to be fitted correctly in order to solve the puzzle. It's a big one, what truly is the best way to be a mother? A rhetorical question of course, but there are certain things that are better than others. Taking the time to be still with our children is probably something that is underrated, it's importance overlooked by many in our society of overachievers. Thank you Lord for giving me this gift in the beginning of the year when I'm making some decisions about parenting. I promise to cherish these moments of togetherness with my children, I will try not to brush them aside with my To Do list or my appointments. Now I'm headed back to play superhero with my son.

Goodbye 2013 Hello 2014

2013 was a year of many blessings for me and my family. The most celebrated was the birth of our third child--our little girl dumpling. She is absolutely beautiful and it's true, she does now complete our little clan. We are so lucky to have her. We also were fortunate to move to a new place, which has many scenic places for the family to enjoy. Our oldest daughter is enjoying her first year in elementary school (I can't believe she's already a kindergartner). And our son continues to grow and amaze us with his wit and stamina--he truly is a unique individual--a diamond in the rough!

There's always room for self improvement and that's what this post is about. I truly am blessed with a beautiful family. I feel that 2013 was a year of personal challenges, despite all the gifts I received from above. Physically, I've been feeling weaker than usual. I hope to get back to my workout routine and become stronger and healthier. I'm no longer interested just in the aesthetics, but the real health of my body. Although I am thin, I do not consider myself healthy. I eat healthfully most of the time, but would like to be more consistent with my food choices. The top resolutions for me: to be more patient and more assertive in my choices. Patience--with my children, with myself, with my husband. Patience is at the heart of what my religion teaches, yet it is something I struggle with on a constant basis. I'm realizing that patience doesn't happen in a vacuum, there are steps to help achieve a patient and balanced state of mind. Exercise is key to patience. Taking time out for myself will also help me achieve happiness and in turn have more patience with those around me. Having time for prayer is at the key of mantaining a patient state of mind and remembering what is important--establishing my center. Self-assertiveness. A huge challenge for me at times. As I get older, I am more comfortable with this word--assertiveness. I used to shriek a the word, but now I realize it is not only important, but necessary if I want to live my life happily and how I choose to live it. So many of us women, are taught to be obedient, compliant, docile and not really taught the importance of feeling empowered and self-assured. I definitely do not want my girls to feel bad about being assertive--so it all begins with me. If I'm going to preach self-assertiveness and confidence to them, I have to show it, I have to feel it, I have to live in that way. Perhaps my hangup is that I've always felt that humbleness and self-assertiveness were at polar opposites of each other. Today, I know this is not necessarily so. In order to be successful you have to know when to be humble and when to be assertive. Even the most humble human being--lived assertively and never backed down from his beliefs. It is an empowering thought. This is my focus for the new year. I have a lot to be thankful for and I would like to show thankfulness by how I live my life--beginning with a wonderful new year.