It doesn't take a genius to know this. But to truly understand and accept why it is, sometimes takes time. In the 8 short (but sometimes seemingly long) years of motherhood I've learned a thing or two about the easy and the hard things in life.
It started with my decision to stay at home with the children. Some people take it for granted, and assume that it just falls naturally that the mother will stay at home with the children. I did have opportunities given to me, even while I was pregnant with my first born, to go back to work. I decided to try out this new adventure in motherhood, to really embrace all it had to offer. Part of it because I had grown-up with both working parents. I remember treasuring going over to friends houses that had mothers at home who baked chocolate chip cookies and played dolls with them. I knew that making this decision meant giving up some of the headway I had made for myself in my career and putting some of my dreams of writing on the back burner. I have to say I don't regret doing so, but it hasn't always been as melodic as I thought it would be.
And with big decisions come the ones that we make on a day to day basis--to homeschool, to put them in daycare, to drive that extra half hour for gymnastics, to move and take the next lucrative assignment or to stay and try to build some roots and stability. Sometimes the decisions are made for us: you are no longer needed in this assignment, but we have something nice half-way across the world!
I think I'm most impressed by the times I and people around me make decisions that are considered out-of-the-box. I recently read a book that hit this concept home to me. The book, "The Horse Boy" tells the true story of a dad, his wife and their son who traveled across the world from Austin, TX to Mongolia in search for a cure to some of their son's autism symptoms. Their son was 5 years-old at the time of their journey and was so bad into the symptoms of autism that he was not even toilet trained! The parents decided to take on this journey and to stop the conventional autism therapy (which was not really working for their son). And why Mongolia? They had heard of shamans or healers in the mountains that might be able to help their son. Another key element: they could ride horses there. From early on, their son had expressed a love and true affinity with horses. They rode horses in their hometown in order to calm some of the son's autism "tantrums". I myself have been witness to the ability horses have to calm and center people--if they are open to this. I volunteered at an equine therapy center in Houston that helped children with autism and other disabilities. And so, they took this journey which was grueling and well outside the comfort zone, especially for an autistic 5 year-old. But why? Because good things are not always easy. The dad summed it up during one of his treks on horseback across Mongolia: I could be driving my son to therapy, stuck in traffic and listening to his autism episodes only to come back more discouraged from a therapy which was not really working, or throw caution to the wind. Why complain he added, I'm in a beautiful, rugged land with my wife and son having the experience of a lifetime. Sure it was cold (and hot depending on the altitude) fly-infested at times. But they got to experience a culture so different from their own, they saw magnificent nature, things only a few of us ever get to experience, because it is so outside our comfort zone. At the end of their journey, their son did improve. He befriended a Mongolian boy his own age, the first friend he ever made. He toilet trained a week after coming back home from their two-week trip to Mongolia. Some of his obsessive disorders lessened and some completely stopped. The boy started telling stories of his journey across the Mongolian mountains (something hard for autistic people to do) and continued his love of horses and horse back riding.
It was so encouraging and inspiring for me to hear this. I've made decisions for my own children, that other parents might consider outside the box--not the norm. I've put our daughter in a school in a foreign country knowing very little of the language. It will be a short three years in that school and some parents might consider going the other route--an American school with kids who share the same culture and language. It has not been easy. The first few months, I doubted our decision since it was causing our 7 year-old discomfort. After a few months the daily complains of going to school lessened and she showed some interest in making friends from school. Now she is learning German and says she wants to continue at that school. Now, we are realizing that we as parents have to become more involved in the school and the culture, and step out of our comfort zone in order for this to be truly fruitful for ourselves and our children. I, who can sometimes be considered an introvert, will have to step out and learn the language and take a chance and make friends with some of the moms, the same ones who seem give me a taciturn face in the morning! We'll still have our base in the American community through activities sponsored by the base school and church, etc. But we would like to befriend Germans and learn more about the country and culture.
But why? And: why not? I always come back to Robert Frost's poem a Road Less Traveled. It's not that the path less traveled was necessarily the best path--both paths were good. It's taking that chance, albeit, sometimes more measured than others, for something different, for something equally good or even better. For the adventure of the journey and the things such journey will teach us.
