Spain-- a country engrained in tradition and passion

It has been almost 15 years since my first visit to Spain and since I stepped away from the beautiful country, I knew that I would never forgive myself if I never went back. So the opportunity came for me to travel with my family and I was beyond excited.

What is it that I loved about Spain? The sounds of the language--different than the accents I hear in my own country, but still very much familiar to me. And not because it's Spanish, and I'm a native speaker, but because it's as if I'm reconnecting with old friends that I understand. Almost like coming back to long lost family. I also love the culture itself. Always passionate, sometimes vain, full of fun and variety. Sometimes I'm glad I don't live in Spain, for fear that I wouldn't be able to handle it all and would die of high blood pressure--sometimes I'm glad my life is rather quiet and bland compared to most Spaniards. But for those times where I long for excitement and fun--I instantly think of Spain and it's people, the foods, the music and even the smells of the fresh orange trees in the summer.

We decided to rent a car and go from the center of Spain in Madrid, southwards towards Sevilla and Granada and a visit along the eastern coast of the country to Valencia, where my ancestors once lived and the name they took during the Spanish Inquisition in efforts to conceal their Jewish heritage--hence my maiden name. First we made a 1/2 day tour to Toledo, one of the oldest towns in Spain, famously known for being one of the few Medieval cities that embraced the country's different religions: Catholic, Jewish and Muslim. Walking along the town's narrow passages and cobbled-stone streets, one does have to wonder how these religions where able to get along and why we can't seem to figure out how today. We visited the Jewish museum one of the must sees for me, to help relate to my children my ancestry and the importance of learning about your roots.

Toledo

Jewish Museum in Toledo

Zip Lining in Toledo (this time it wasn't me)

Admiring some of the welding done in Toledo

One of the amazing sceneries in the Alhambra

Sisters in the Alhambra

Caves that were in ancient times dwellings for the Arabs.
Today, they are mostly used for Flamenco shows
performed by Gitanos (gypsies). 

The traditional costumes worn in Sevilla during the Feria, a celebration of Seville's culture.

Ole! Inside a bullring in Valencia

The Rock

We happened to be traveling during Holy Week--one of the most important times of the year in Spain-- specifically southern Spain. The towns there are still very much ingrained in tradition which date back to the Catholic religion mixed in with a sprinkle of Arabic influence. As we entered Sevilla's downtown, we were greeted by street crowds, all gathered to witness the procession of Mary.  I couldn't capture a picture of this, because we were hauling our luggage and kids since the closest parking spot was over 10 blocks away from our apartment. But picture everyone dressed in their finest Church clothes, waiting to get a glimpse of Mary and her child, carried throughout the main street. After a few days in Sevilla we made our way further south to Granada but before that we made a pit stop in Gibraltar. My husband would not consider a trip to Spain without visiting "the Rock" as the British call it. We discovered beautiful views of the ocean and northern Africa. We also learned that a group of monkeys inhabits the top of the rock. Today, Gibraltar is still a British territory--you can have fish and chips at any of their restaurants and pay in British pounds too!

After Gibraltar we went to Granada a city full of tradition but also very modern because of the amount of tourists that come to visit it's pearl: The Alhambra. Called one of the seven wonders of the world. I never had the opportunity to visit Alhambra and of course I couldn't miss it this time. This palace which dates back to the Roman Empire, but was really brought to it's grandeur by the Muslim rulers in Granada. I could have easily spent days roaming it's gardens and enjoying the calming sounds of it's fountains which are in almost every outdoor patio and garden throughout the palace--but little nudges (and sometimes full outbursts) from all 3 kids reminded us that we needed to keep our visit to a two hour maximum.

As we left Spain, we left a little bit of tradition behind. The scenery of the country is varied and beautiful--a country so vast--sometimes reminding me of the southwest part of the U.S. But what struck me the most were the people: warm and friendly, passionate and dedicated to their families. I remember seeing throughout the many streets we walked, teenage girls holding their mother's or grandmother's hand. Family -- familia-- is so important in this culture. It was so refreshing to see that they honor and value their time with family so much. Spain, I hope to see you again. Hasta pronto.

Belgium

We made our visit to Belgium last October and I'm just now getting to posting pictures of our time there. I think I was most impressed by how much history Belgium had to offer. First off, we stayed in the attic of an artist's home which was right next to Graversteen castle in the town of Ghent, a town which dates back to the Middle Ages. Our accommodations were cozy, but the kids were very excited to be sleeping in an attic next to an old castle. We enjoyed touring the castle, which had many artifacts dating back to the Middle Ages complete with a torture room!  We saw many armors and swords and even an old guillotine and a few other torture devices--it was a tough time, the Middle Ages!!

After our castle visit, we went on a canal tour of Ghent. Known as the less touristy alternative to Brugges, Ghent offers just as much history and architectural beauty as it's next door cousin. The following day we headed over to Brugges to see the belfry tower. We climbed up 366 very narrow steps to the top to see a beautiful view of the town and a look at some of the bells which still play to this day. Food is a big part of Belgian culture and we enjoyed sampling some pommes frites and local chocolate and of course: beer. I enjoyed a cherry bear while my husband liked the heavier dark ales. Our short visit to Belgium was enjoyable and I marveled at the age of the towns we visited. The Belgian people seemed genuinely friendly and very open. It was sad to hear of the bombings that occurred in France and Belgium not too long after our visit there.

Going up the steps of Graversteen Castle. Ghent, Brugges

City view from the top of the Graversteen Castle

  

Relaxing while taking a canal tour of Ghent

Belgian waffles for every taste

Brugges' Belfry Tower

Dumond Chocolate Shoppe, one of the oldest in Europe

Playing in the park after a long day of sightseeing

The music box inside the belfry tower

One of the many chocolates Dumond Shoppe has to offer

Playing in the sand on the coast of Belgium 

Mannequin Piss or "The pissing boy" in Brussels. Our trip wouldn't have been complete without seeing
this popular sculpture.

At Grand Place, the old town square, in Brussels.

A shoppe selling Turkish treats

A horse farm next door to the second AirBnB we stayed at outside of Ghent

Good Things are Not Always Easy

It doesn't take a genius to know this. But to truly understand and accept why it is, sometimes takes time. In the 8 short (but sometimes seemingly long) years of motherhood I've learned a thing or two about the easy and the hard things in life.

It started with my decision to stay at home with the children. Some people take it for granted, and assume that it just falls naturally that the mother will stay at home with the children. I did have opportunities given to me, even while I was pregnant with my first born, to go back to work. I decided to try out this new adventure in motherhood, to really embrace all it had to offer.  Part of it because I had grown-up with both working parents. I remember treasuring going over to friends houses that had mothers at home who baked chocolate chip cookies and played dolls with them. I knew that making this decision meant giving up some of the headway I had made for myself in my career and putting some of my dreams of writing on the back burner. I have to say I don't regret doing so, but it hasn't always been as melodic as I thought it would be.

And with big decisions come the ones that we make on a day to day basis--to homeschool, to put them in daycare, to drive that extra half hour for gymnastics, to move and take the next lucrative assignment or to stay and try to build some roots and stability. Sometimes the decisions are made for us: you are no longer needed in this assignment, but we have something nice half-way across the world!

I think I'm most impressed by the times I and people around me make decisions that are considered out-of-the-box. I recently read a book that hit this concept home to me. The book, "The Horse Boy" tells the true story of a dad, his wife and their son who traveled across the world from Austin, TX to Mongolia in search for a cure to some of their son's autism symptoms. Their son was 5 years-old at the time of their journey and was so bad into the symptoms of autism that he was not even toilet trained! The parents decided to take on this journey and to stop the conventional autism therapy (which was not really working for their son). And why Mongolia? They had heard of shamans or healers in the mountains that might be able to help their son. Another key element: they could ride horses there. From early on, their son had expressed a love and true affinity with horses. They rode horses in their hometown in order to calm some of the son's autism "tantrums". I myself have been witness to the ability horses have to calm and center people--if they are open to this. I volunteered at an equine therapy center in Houston that helped children with autism and other disabilities. And so, they took this journey which was grueling and well outside the comfort zone, especially for an autistic 5 year-old. But why? Because good things are not always easy. The dad summed it up during one of his treks on horseback across Mongolia: I could be driving my son to therapy, stuck in traffic and listening to his autism episodes only to come back more discouraged from a therapy which was not really working, or throw caution to the wind. Why complain he added, I'm in a beautiful, rugged land with my wife and son having the experience of a lifetime. Sure it was cold (and hot depending on the altitude) fly-infested at times. But they got to experience a culture so different from their own, they saw magnificent nature, things only a few of us ever get to experience, because it is so outside our comfort zone. At the end of their journey, their son did improve. He befriended a Mongolian boy his own age, the first friend he ever made. He toilet trained a week after coming back home from their two-week trip to Mongolia. Some of his obsessive disorders lessened and some completely stopped. The boy started telling stories of his journey across the Mongolian mountains (something hard for autistic people to do) and continued his love of horses and horse back riding.

It was so encouraging and inspiring for me to hear this. I've made decisions for my own children, that other parents might consider outside the box--not the norm. I've put our daughter in a school in a foreign country knowing very little of the language. It will be a short three years in that school and some parents might consider going the other route--an American school with kids who share the same culture and language. It has not been easy. The first few months, I doubted our decision since it was causing our 7 year-old discomfort. After a few months the daily complains of going to school lessened and she showed some interest in making friends from school. Now she is learning German and says she wants to continue at that school. Now, we are realizing that we as parents have to become more involved in the school and the culture, and step out of our comfort zone in order for this to be truly fruitful for ourselves and our children. I, who can sometimes be considered an introvert, will have to step out and learn the language and take a chance and make friends with some of the moms, the same ones who seem give me a taciturn face in the morning! We'll still have our base in the American community through activities sponsored by the base school and church, etc. But we would like to befriend Germans and learn more about the country and culture.

But why? And: why not? I always come back to Robert Frost's poem a Road Less Traveled. It's not that the path less traveled was necessarily the best path--both paths were good. It's taking that chance, albeit, sometimes more measured than others, for something different, for something equally good or even better. For the adventure of the journey and the things such journey will teach us.

Black Forest, Germany

It doesn't take long before you're in Germany's Black Forest to realize that you've stepped back in time. Perhaps not to the time of the Brothers Grimm, although it is easy to see where the inspiration for some of the famous fairy tales came from. A land full of trees and winding roads, shadows and mystery. I couldn't quite pinpoint it at first--why I thought I had stepped back in time. Maybe it was our innkeeper, an elderly woman, who still tended to the bedsheets the way it was done some two centuries ago. She hung them on a line to dry and then we saw her in a little room pressing all the linens and bedsheets.  Close to our inn, each of the houses had sheds full of cut up wood. Some of them even had small woodworking rooms where you could peek in and see a man carving his latest clock. Maybe it was the traditional German attire: dirndls and leiderhosen worn by shopkeepers. Or perhaps it was just the feeling of being in a very remote place--perhaps the same way Hansel and Gretel felt when they got lost in the forest.

The weather added to the surreal. We woke up to an early morning fog as we drove our car down the narrow winding road that took into town. Although the day was overcast, the people seemed unaffected by the lack of sun and eager to help and let us know the best place to look at cuckoo clocks, which originated in this part of Germany.  The day we visited was the end of the Christmas season and there was a big festival. The kids wanted to ride the ferris wheel. Afterwards we enjoyed some "gluwein" (warm wine) (the kids drank hot chocolate) while we watched a puppet show. Towards the end of the night there was a fire works show. The crowd was large and we were too far away from the actual show to see it, but were entertained by the music. We escaped the crowds and went to a traditional German restaurant. We ordered some very tasty German food and the famous Black Forest Cake. Unfortunately, cakes in Germany are not as sweet as what we're used to back home. So we're still continuing our search for that perfect German dessert!


We left the Black Forest and made our way back home. Along the way, we stopped at Freiburg, known as one of the more "sunnier" cities in Germany. Compared to the black forest, it was indeed sunnier. We visited the old town square where the Freiburg Minster, a gothic church which was built between 1200 and 1500, stands prominently with its 116 meter spire. It's one of the few churches to have survived World War II unscathed. There was an outdoor farmer's market at the town square and  enjoyed some bratwurst and got some fresh vegetables to take back home.

Who will stay on the road?

Freiburg Minster 

Freiburg Farmer's Market

Bratwurst!

Freiburg Minster spire

A Puppet Show

Cobble stone streets, Freiburg, Germany

Happy

I watched a documentary on Happiness a few days ago. Yes, it was late at night and I was tired and couldn't find anything else to watch. But it actually turned out to be fairly refreshing to watch this documentary.

In this documentary, researchers found that after people's basic necessities are met (i.e. food, shelter, medicine) humans are not necessarily happier by having more things or acquiring more wealth and power. I have always felt this way, and try to live my life simply--or what I like to think is fairly simple.

So what things do we need for happiness? One of the things mentioned was finding "flow" or a level of concentration and ability where you feel accomplished. They found this in athletes performing at their peak, chefs just enjoying cooking food, artists and so on. It did not matter to the individual the amount of money they were paid or the recognition they were getting--they simply enjoyed doing this particular passion at a very high level.

Two other things they found made people feel happy was a sense of service to others--caring for others. Again, not because they had to, but because they wanted to. Caring for others helps individuals focus on something other than themselves, researchers found. Another factor that helps is having close friendships and family--even if it is not 100% peaceful.

One last factor mentioned was accepting certain circumstances that are beyond your control--for example a traumatic accident or experience.

They gave a telling example of what has been happening in Japan for the last decade or so. It is a growing number of Japanese men and women literally working themselves to death--"karoshi". It was mind boggling to me that someone could actually do this--but then again, we all know those people who work and do not live a very balanced lifestyle, have little time for friends or family, or for their personal health and spiritual well-being.

Okinawa, Japan surprisingly has the longest-living population. They credit this to many factors including finding "flow", close-knit communities and interaction across all generations--from the youngest to oldest. One of the most fulfilling times in my life was living in a community with people from all ages. I lived in a subdivision that was half retirees and half people with teenagers or younger kids. It was magic. The retirees were beautiful people who were happy and generally welcomed everyone into the community. I still remember walking with my children to the little table were they would gather to talk. They welcomed me and the kids so open-heartedly, I always left that table with a skip in my step and a light heart. I couldn't help feeling a little selfish because I knew me and my children were having this wonderful interaction with these people who truly had a lot to give and share. It made me a little sad to think that some people push their own grandparents or parents aside because they don't have time for them.

Compassion and acts of kindness was another factor that gave people happiness. Whether it's shoveling snow for a neighbor or the deepest dedication to the poor and sick, in the likes of Mother Theresa.

I couldn't help but think watching this documentary, that the people in the film who were happy, were not some super powerful, extremely attractive or wealthy people. They were blessed with what we truly blindly seek in material things: happiness. And what's great is that happiness is attainable, it doesn't just happen, we have to practice this by seeking what truly is genuinely us. Is it finding that "flow", giving to others, taking care of others--it might even be a mixture of things.

There are other factors that probably contribute to a fulfilling life--spirituality being one of them. The researchers in this documentary did not talk about religion or spirituality, but it truly is very important to believe in something greater than yourself.

So is happiness truly the key to life--the ultimate goal that one should strive for. Should I abandon everything and surf all the great waves? I don't think it's quite as simple as that--at least not for the majority of us. There are responsibilities to us, to others, to the community at large. And sometimes, in those responsibilities, you can find great fulfillment and satisfaction. But there is something novel in the idea of trying to get back to the core of what life should really be about--happiness being a key ingredient.

The other way to look at happiness is as a skill set--that if mastered or practiced effectively, can really lead to a more satisfying life. After all, wouldn't we want to carry out most of our days with joy instead of sadness and despair? I've always envied those people, strangers out on the street or the coffee shop, that seem to have a certain twinkle in their eye and genuinely seem very happy. It's not because they are fulfilled in every level, I'm sure, it's because they're practicing being happy. They are probably trying to master this skill set.

I have this goal for 2016, to practice being happy. Not easy at times, but truly, laughter, smiles and a skip in your step sound far more appealing to me than tears and frowns on my face. The way I look at it, would I rather get my wrinkles from laughter than from frowning all the time.

On finding love for my vocation...again

So, I've talked a lot about goal setting and giving more time for myself in 2016. That is still one of my priorities for this year. But, this year I'm uncovering or rediscovering my love for my vocation as a mother...again!

For many years now, probably the last 2 or so, I've struggled with the concept of motherhood and raising three small children while trying to find myself and dedicate time to some of my personal goals. It got to the point where the joys of motherhood were completely gone in the day to day. Instead of rejoicing in my children's accomplishments and their growth, I was too focused on what I was lacking in myself. It's a hard balance to achieve: being a great mother, enjoying those little moments with your children while still giving time for yourself. Early on in motherhood, I truly believed that it was all about the children, the time for myself was gone. I would wake up and take care of kids, forgetting to even brush my teeth at times. That phase didn't last too long. I was then at the phase of mostly for the children, I had enough time for brushing teeth, putting face lotion and lip gloss on. I put my personal dreams of writing, arts, physical, on the back burner while I dedicated my all to the kids. The goals for the kids were hefty: arts and crafts, check, learning time, check, socializing with friends, check. It helped that I had a supporting group of moms close by, all going through similar scenarios and all supportive of our goals and struggles.

Two years back I got caught in the trying to be supermom while still looking effortless bug. It was still all about the kids but in addition I had to play the perfect wife role, of doing it all and making it look effortless while trying to look fabulous. Ridiculous--I know. How anyone survives in this mode behooves me. That definitely didn't last long.

Fast forward to today, where I don't have a support group of moms, or anyone at all, except the kindness of my husband and friends and family many, many miles away. The demands of motherhood are many, and being isolated and feeling like there's no one to talk to is an emotional rollercoaster. I felt very angry. Angry at myself for neglecting myself for years letting it get to the point where I did not want to look in the mirror. Angry even at my husband, who although supportive, I felt had not done enough to dedicate alone time between us, and somehow encouraged this hectic pace of life. Angry at even strangers, who I felt passed judgment on me, and my looks, without really knowing who I was and what I was all about.

So how did I rediscover the passion in motherhood: slowly. I started noticing the little things in life again. My kids were really the answer. I started noticing all the wonderful things that were happening all around me. Our son's accomplishments with reading, his ability to light up the room with his smile. Our oldest capacity to recite a poem in a completely different language, her thoughtful heart and her wisdom beyond her years. Our youngest hugs and just being able to hold her and kiss her little head. I realized that these moments will only be here now. I need to enjoy them, or I will never have them, I will have lost them. So, I'm finding myself cuddling more with them. Talking more with them. Being there. That's really what it's all about: being with them. Not being for them. Not working for them. Although I do recognize that some parents have no other option than having to work. But, the ability to stay home and really be with them, not necessarily shuttling them from activity to activity. Sure activities are fun, but not when your whole day is spent in the car.

My vocation as a mother, is unique. Every mother and every parent is unique in how they love their children. I am learning to embrace who I am, who my children and our family is. Imperfections and all--that's what makes us unique and special. I'm learning to grab hold of the things I can be good at and do them well and whole heartedly. I'm learning to still dedicate time for myself to myself, by myself, so I can then be with my family as a whole individual--not as an absent parent, who is wishing for time for herself or time away from her family.

2016, bring it!

There's something about starting a new year that allows us, at least mentally, to have a "clean slate" or a new "bucket" of goals and resolutions. I like the promise of better, or maybe even just a continuation of good things that we've been blessed with in the past. Last year, was a year of realization for me. Especially towards the end of the year, as I started settling in to a new "home" again. Once the boxes were unpacked and to-do lists that come with settling in to a new place become shorter, it was time for me to focus on myself--a much needed introspective look.

With that said, I've discovered that less is sometimes more. In home decor, I think we're going to keep things pretty simple and bright. Less clutter, less trinkets, even less toys. Yes, less toys, the kids don't know this, but ignorance is bliss sometimes. I've slowly been eliminating some of the "extras" that they have in their bedroom. There's always going to be some sort of art project and things will be on the floor or "hidden," as our daughter likes to do with many of her things she creates or plays with. But we can do without the extra set of legos that look very similar to the first set. Or duplicate books. Also, books that are no longer applicable and hold no sentimental value. I always keep books that were a gift to the kids or to myself, they hold value to me. So I do away with the books that are torn or have no real story or ones that they have simply not really enjoyed reading. We'll always keep our Cat in the Hat books since they love these. But we're giving away the duplicate copies of nursery rhymes and disney princess tales we have. I'm also doing something similar with my wardrobe. I recently gave away some coats from the 90s -- yes the 90s. They went to some of the Syrian refugees that are here--much better use of the coats. I am also trying to define my day--and how to dress appropriately for it. So I've succumbed to the idea of getting some fitness attire that I can wear out as well as workout in. Not all the time, but sometimes.

One of my big goals is to really get in great shape. I'm focusing a lot more on strength and toning that being skinny. I'm focusing more on yoga and strength training with weights than anything else. I'm still going to run, but there are no big races on the agenda. I would like to do a headstand by this summer--that's my big AHA goal. I want to start the day with yoga and or strength training and end with a meditation or writing in a gratitude journal.

Another goal is quality over quantity. This applies to pretty much every area of my life. I've realized that I'm with the children ALL the TIME. Good I thought, we're together. But no so good, I've realized. It wears me out to the point where I'm not committing to quality time with them or my husband. So, the children will get more babysitters than usual and I will have some time for myself and when I come home, I will have quality time with the children. I'm committing to 3 hours of quality time for myself. Sometimes this will be just my 1 hour workout in the morning and a couple hours by myself when hubby comes home. But I would like to have a babysitter set up to watch the young one for three hours each day. And by the way, I'm so over people feeling guilty or making others feel guilty about dedicating time to yourself. It's not selfish, it can be very productive and in the end, very useful to those around us.

I commit to being happy and well taken care of in 2016!!