That Balancing Act

It's been running through my mind lately...as it has in the past 9 years since I've become a mother. What is the perfect balance between motherhood/parenthood and giving to one self?

I have had a difficult time with this one question; and I truly now believe that it is the million (or billion now days) question. If we only knew the answer to this then we would have all the answers and mysteries of the universe solved. Some mothers, as I did myself, go into motherhood head first, accepting all the challenges full-heartedly and doting on their children day in and out. Somewhere along that path, you may find yourself running out of gas, as I did not too long ago. And then you, or me in this case, resolve to commit more time for yourself (i.e. exercise, catching up with friend, hobbies, or taking a shower daily).

I, like many of us, come with baggage from a family that tried to do their best. Both parents worked and dedicated some time to family life, but the interpersonal connection was seldom there. I half-heartedly laugh as I correct my mother, for the up teenth time, that no, my best friend was not so and so. There were few extra curricular activities. I remember junior high and high school as a very lonely place, where a young girl could have benefitted from a mentor or someone to explain things to and to push to pursue dreams and passions.

Come back to the present, where I am a mother of 3 young children. I myself am a woman beginning 40s now, still feeling energetic, but yet trying to catch up on time that was committed full-heartedly to my children and my family life. I now understand the challenges of motherhood. Wanting to be the best mother, but yet feeling like you don't want to loose yourself in motherhood. I want to take pictures of my children and prepare exciting projects and activities for us to do, yet I would like to be in those pictures from time to time. At first, it's ok to let yourself go, I feel you really have to commit to newborns and toddlers. After that it is time to start taking time out for yourself. But how much and, as in my case, how do you let go? Slowly, I've realized that if you don't make plans for yourself, plans will be made for you. The train will continue to roll without you. Feelings of "guilt" ensue when I can't sign up my daughter for another extra-curricular class, or continue to talk with her well past her bedtime. They are mild tugs at the heart, but they're still there. I feel like people ignore who I am, not just a mother to three lovely kids, but the me. There's always the: how are the kids, what are they up to, how is your husband, but seldom the: how are you? There's the requests for pictures of the kids, but seldom, can you send me a picture of you with the children. I've even been told to move to the side so that people can take a picture of the 3 kids--I'll leave names out, but it is hurtful to say that it is from people that are very close to me.

The me who was a writer, who liked listening to salsa music and doing crazy things from time to time. I still do some writing, and belt out a tune in my kitchen, but the crazy, sporadic things are for the most part gone. The friends and family that I once felt connected to have slowly drifted apart, partly due to distance and some I believe to the fact that they don't relate or perhaps do not see me in the same light as they did in the past.  So in essence, feelings like a used up newspaper that has been left out in the rain.

Don't feel bad. I know that I have to continue. That I have to continue in that search to find a perfect balance for me and to not loose sight of who I was and who I want to become.

A Walk Through My Town

It's been almost two years since we moved across the pond to Europe and settled in Germany. Sometimes it seems as if it was "just the other day" and other times we feel very homesick for our friends and family and way of life back in the States. But we've slowly adjusted and are truly now enjoying living in Germany and discovering all the wonderful things living in Europe has to offer.

We live in a fairly small town, although it's connected to other bigger villages and fairly close to many conveniences. One of the things we love about villages here is how they are essentially all structured in almost identical ways.

 Our local bakery and some of the many enticing treats. 

 The farmer driving his truck around town. I guess he's getting ready for the harvest!

 The local soccer field. It is a small field, but their season runs all year long, rain, snow or sunshine.

 Germans houses typically do not have big backyards. It is more common to see a small front garden. 

 Orchids, orchids and more orchids. 

The local drugstore. It's not unusual to see tiny shops decorate their front windows according to the season. This time it was Mardi Gras, or in German "Fasching"

 A very typical German house in this area of Germany.

There is a main street where you always find a bakery or Bakarie. Usually villages also have a small grocery store, gas station and Sparkasse or Bank. If you're lucky, your village also has a Metzgerie, a butcher shop, with select cuts of beef (fairly expensive compared to American prices), and poultry and of course, sausages and deli meets some of which, for me at least, may take years before I'm adventurous enough to try!! There is also a small pub or Biergarten. You can usually see people seated outside the Biergarten, enjoying a a glass of their favorite Hefe weisen or light beer.

There are houses on the main street as well, but usually they are on smaller streets, which by the way are much narrower than in the U.S. The way villages are designed, it is sometimes easier to walk to the grocery than maneuver through streets in your big "American" SUV or worse, Mini-van, to buy your food. It is a welcome change to see ladies walk with their baskets or canvas grocery bags (paper and plastic bags are not given at grocery stores--you have to bring your own) to buy their bread, meat, and daily pantry items. You also see more cyclists, especially on weekends.

As you walk through a village, you may notice how almost every window displays an arrangement of flowers and plants, and especially orchids. Ironically enough, this tropical plant thrives in many German homes, some say the condensation created by radiators which are usually below windowsills and the cold weather outside plus the sun the orchids get by being placed next to a window create the perfect greenhouse conditions for the orchids to flourish.

Further away from the main street you might find a small green space with a modest playground area. German kids are not used to the big structures of the parks in the States. A couple of swings, a merry-go-round and perhaps a see-saw and a sandbox are good enough for the German children. That may be why you might also see children here climbing trees, going on hikes and riding their bikes--mostly alone or with friends. Germans are big on instilling independence on their children and it is not uncommon to see kids as little as 6 years-old walking to school on their own.

In some of the quieter, "sleepy" towns there is still a farmer at the very end of the village with a plot of land. There is a village not too far from ours that has a vending machine where you can purchase the milk from the farmer's cows and also local eggs. There's also a nod to the Christian roots and Stone Crosses honoring Jesus in some towns. The local farmer also might leave a plot at the end of his land to plant "blumen" or flowers. In the spring, you can find people picking flowers and leaving the money to pay for them inside a metal box. Picking flowers from the field is probably one of my favorite things to do with the children in the spring.

One thing I've noticed living in my town is the lack of noise :) There is seldom a car passing by with music blasting out. Sundays are considered family days. All stores, with the exception of restaurants, are closed. You do not see people mowing lawns, doing yard work or washing cars on Sundays. It is typically very quiet and you see an occasional person walking or going on a hike. Germans love the outdoors and some villages have a system of trails in the woods interconnected to one another. So you could go on a hike from your town and end up two or three villages over. The trails are very well marked and indicate the direction and towns you're walking towards.

Another popular thing to do on Sundays is to watch a futbal or soccer game. Although teams play year round, it is more common for the smaller town teams to play mostly in the spring, summer and fall. We're lucky that our village has a soccer team and a field not too far from our house. One of our goals is to go watch a soccer game this year.

Getting the family on board a healthy lifestyle

Trying to get the family on board a healthy lifestyle can be hard. Especially when it’s more than just you and your husband. Especially when there are work and time commitments. In the end, it will only succeed if you and the rest of your family are on board, and if you receive the respect and support from your husband as well as your children.

I have to admit, that my husband and I have always been like-minded and have strived for a healthy lifestyle (most of the time) J But in the end, we have always agreed that we want to live a “healthy” but balanced lifestyle—so sort of like having our broccoli but getting to enjoy our ice cream as well.

Today, it is far more complicated. Because our children have different food preferences and I have a more restrictive “diet” now. Now that I don’t eat wheat and dairy on a daily basis. Amazingly, it has been fairly easy to incorporate meals that I can enjoy along with my family. And I am finding out that what I thought would be a total disaster: “what, no cheese lasagna?” “no breadcrumbs on the salad?” has actually been a step in the right direction for the entire family. A typical dinner at my house consists of chicken or beef and a side portion of rice or potatoes along with chopped fresh, rather than baked, vegetables (which the children prefer) along with a salad. So we have in essence increased our vegetable intake by cutting out on some of the bread. There are many pasta dishes though. I just make sure to fix pasta by itself and then the family can fix their own plate to their liking. I usually fix quinoa, sweet potatoes or brown rice for myself when I fix pasta.

One of the tastier meals is when we grill chicken or beef, chop some peppers, cucumbers and tomatoes and eat Greek gyros. I fix a yogurt dressing for a topping, but also make sure to buy hummus for myself. It is fresh, healthy and tasty—all the ingredients my family requires to make a meal a success!!

Another goal for 2017 is to cut-back on some of our sugar intake. We have traditionally allowed the children to eat dessert after every dinner. This in addition to sweetened yogurt for a midday snack and of course a piece of chocolate or baked goods that are usually more than readily available in Germany. One of the biggest culprits was buying into the fact that Nutella, a chocolate spread, served in the morning along with toast, would actually be a good thing for the kids. Not only did it increase their sugar intake, but also prepped them to have a very sweet tooth and increase their desire for sweets later on in the day. We are still having some sugar in the morning: typically toast with jelly (but only a small amount) along with eggs or oatmeal. At night however, we usually skip “dessert” which used to be ice cream, candy or some sort of baked good. Instead we have fruit along with plain yogurt or amazingly enough—go without dessert! The childrens’ taste buds are changing and they are not demanding as many sweets as before. Just two days ago, my oldest daughter, notorious for her sweet tooth, skipped eating her pastry and gave it to her dad instead. She said she wanted to eat something light and fresh, and chose and apple.

The important thing is to gradually introduce new eating patterns and foods. And once you make the commitment try to adhere to it. For example, if your rule is to only have dessert on weekends—stick to that. Another helpful tip is to try to get your children involved in the food decision process, either at the store or in the kitchen. I am starting to allow my 3 year-old daughter into the kitchen to help me fix smoothies, oatmeal, cookies and other easy dishes. She’s very eager to help and is always curious to try what she has helped to make.

Isn't it Ironic!

So, I voted just like a majority of my friends and proud of it. But sometimes, the irony of politics gets the best of me. From very early on, when I was studying journalism in college and had discussions with fellow classmates on our freedoms, nationalism, self vs. community--it never ceased to amaze me how ironic some of the views and stands were, mine included.

Those who uphold the right to have an abortion, are also the same ones who fervently oppose most wars because you are killing innocent lives. While those that support right to life, also back up wars  many of which innocent people die. Those who support abortion because we cannot dictate a women's right to choose what she does to her own body, are also the same that would like a more socialized system, where we are told what doctor we have to use, how much money we have to give to government programs, many of which we have no idea where they are going to and who they benefit. So is there a line that we do not cross? Should there be a line?

We're all part of this, and no one party has the absolute right answers. But believing that one way all the way is the right answer is what probably got us into the situation that we are in right now. Democrats, because in their belief that some rights are absolute--lost part of the voters that do not agree with them on social or economic issues. And Republicans, who have for a while now, lost their ability to balance their personal beliefs with those of nationalism and capitalism. Nothing should be absolute, yet we do have to stand up for what we believe in. So where does that leave us?

It's been noted that some of the most successful Presidents are the ones who are able to work with both parties with both ideologies without shutting down the views that are different from the ones of their own party. How does this happen in today's nano-second media where everyone gives you their opinion even before you've made a decision?!! Yet another irony, everybody has the ability to broadcast their opinion to thousands and millions at the click of a button: YAY for technology and democracy. But at the same time, our views and opinions, when not checked for tone and temperament, can incite violence, hatred, doubt, conflict--contrary to the objectives of an open and free press. Which brings another point: the Free Press. Today, the free press and journalists are threatened, newspapers are in danger of  becoming extinct. You can customize the news you want to hear in today's society. If you want to live in a bubble--where the friends you have on Facebook deliver all the news you want to hear and you don't seek out opinion or views different from yours--then the time has come. In my belief the job of journalists is so important in today's society. But there are few media companies willing to report the news objectively, at a time when I think everyone, especially the younger generation needs to hear all sides of the story!!!

A few simple steps in the right direction

Anyone who knows me, knows that I like to eat and cook and try to live a fairly healthy lifestyle. But I've come to find out, that my eating habits may not have been the healthiest or the most balanced habits. What I thought of as eating healthy turns out to be not the best diet for me. And yes, I did go to a doctor who confirmed that some of the things I eat and thought of as healthy, may not be the best things for me personally. Add to that a very busy lifestyle, which includes lots of family moves, three young kids= STRESS.

So my very busy lifestyle, and the stress associated with raising a family in the military and what I considered healthy food choices gone haywire, caught up to me. I have some stomach problems, although diagnosed as Candida--or an overgrowth of yeast in my intestine-- I'm not 100% sure that the diagnosis is fully accurate. I do know however, that I do suffer from digestion issues and feel this has affected how I feel and how I look. 

For the next few weeks, I'll share some of the small steps I'm taking to try to eat better, more nutritious foods and also find ways to slow down and de-stress. 

One of the steps I'm taking doesn't have to do anything with diet or exercise. It's a simple step to slow down whenever I'm going to eat...anything. I realized that I, who was once teased as a teenager for eating so slow, am the fastest eater in my family. I take a few quick bites between grabbing someone a glass of milk or cutting up one of my children's meat plate. I then get a little stressed with the jumping and nagging and tantrums that inevitably occur when your youngest is 3 years-old. There's very few times that I can really slow down and savor my meals.

So now, I'm teaching myself to eat slow and savour everything I eat. I try to grab a glass of water or tea or just sit and breathe, before I start my meal, in an effort to start eating more slowly. There's a lot of literature that supports the belief that eating too fast can lead to low stomach acid which can cause improper digestion of food, and according to some, further problems associated with your  intestine. My doctor also told me that you're swallowing more air when you're eating too fast and this also hurts proper digestion. I'm not sure where I stand on this, but I certainly do feel better when I don't eat in a rush and try to enjoy my food --- s-l-o-w-l-y. 

Here's a few steps you can do to help yourself and your family eat more slowly:

1) Set parameters. Make sure you discuss the importance of the family meal and, if you have younger kids, discuss some rules (i.e. no t.v., cell phones, computers or toys). Take away as many distractions as possible that will prevent you from focusing on the taste and smell of the wonderful food you're about to eat.

2) If helpful, play soothing music before or during your meals to help you slow down.

3) Encourage family conversation during the meal to stimulate togetherness and also help slow down on fast eating.

4) Try to not eat in the car--instead grab a handful of nuts or a small digestible piece of fruit, if you think you'll have to eat lunch/dinner at a later time. This has been a lifesaver for me. There were many times that I would rush lunch because of an errand or even grab a sugar-laden smoothie thinking it would replace a meal. 

5) Eat a good breakfast and try to incorporate fiber into your breakfast. I also try not to eat first thing in the morning. I drink a glass of water, some people swear by lemon water--I've yet to try that. I also try to exercise, write for a few minutes or stretch before I start fixing breakfast. Once you're fully awake, then go ahead and fix breakfast.

6) Chew your food. It's recommended to chew every bite until it becomes slightly liquefied and the food is broken into smaller particles. Now, it may sound a little gross, but chewing your food thoroughly allows proper digestion of the food and thus absorption of the nutrients instead of it passing through your gut. This also applies to smoothies, try to chew a few time before swallowing  to further break down the smoothie.

7) Take time to smell what you're about to eat. Breathe in deeply, enjoy the spices and aromas from the delicious food you're about to eat. It might even inspire you to start eating healthier and using less additives if you slow down and take time to smell the ingredients you're incorporating into your meal. It's been written that by smelling your food, you're stimulating a part of the brain which then sends a message to the hypothalamus and further down, allows the digestive process to begin.

8) Don't eat when you're angry or stressed out. Whatever you decide to do, don't eat during an argument or in a fit of stress. It's sometimes hard to do, especially with younger kids running amuck, but try to first set a more calm setting. You can always sit during the family meal and drink water or tea, until you are feeling more relaxed.



I leave you with a pic of one of the healthiest pizzas I've ever made: Cauliflower Crust Pizza! Believe it or not, it actually was eaten by all the children.

Spain-- a country engrained in tradition and passion

It has been almost 15 years since my first visit to Spain and since I stepped away from the beautiful country, I knew that I would never forgive myself if I never went back. So the opportunity came for me to travel with my family and I was beyond excited.

What is it that I loved about Spain? The sounds of the language--different than the accents I hear in my own country, but still very much familiar to me. And not because it's Spanish, and I'm a native speaker, but because it's as if I'm reconnecting with old friends that I understand. Almost like coming back to long lost family. I also love the culture itself. Always passionate, sometimes vain, full of fun and variety. Sometimes I'm glad I don't live in Spain, for fear that I wouldn't be able to handle it all and would die of high blood pressure--sometimes I'm glad my life is rather quiet and bland compared to most Spaniards. But for those times where I long for excitement and fun--I instantly think of Spain and it's people, the foods, the music and even the smells of the fresh orange trees in the summer.

We decided to rent a car and go from the center of Spain in Madrid, southwards towards Sevilla and Granada and a visit along the eastern coast of the country to Valencia, where my ancestors once lived and the name they took during the Spanish Inquisition in efforts to conceal their Jewish heritage--hence my maiden name. First we made a 1/2 day tour to Toledo, one of the oldest towns in Spain, famously known for being one of the few Medieval cities that embraced the country's different religions: Catholic, Jewish and Muslim. Walking along the town's narrow passages and cobbled-stone streets, one does have to wonder how these religions where able to get along and why we can't seem to figure out how today. We visited the Jewish museum one of the must sees for me, to help relate to my children my ancestry and the importance of learning about your roots.

Toledo

Jewish Museum in Toledo

Zip Lining in Toledo (this time it wasn't me)

Admiring some of the welding done in Toledo

One of the amazing sceneries in the Alhambra

Sisters in the Alhambra

Caves that were in ancient times dwellings for the Arabs.
Today, they are mostly used for Flamenco shows
performed by Gitanos (gypsies). 

The traditional costumes worn in Sevilla during the Feria, a celebration of Seville's culture.

Ole! Inside a bullring in Valencia

The Rock

We happened to be traveling during Holy Week--one of the most important times of the year in Spain-- specifically southern Spain. The towns there are still very much ingrained in tradition which date back to the Catholic religion mixed in with a sprinkle of Arabic influence. As we entered Sevilla's downtown, we were greeted by street crowds, all gathered to witness the procession of Mary.  I couldn't capture a picture of this, because we were hauling our luggage and kids since the closest parking spot was over 10 blocks away from our apartment. But picture everyone dressed in their finest Church clothes, waiting to get a glimpse of Mary and her child, carried throughout the main street. After a few days in Sevilla we made our way further south to Granada but before that we made a pit stop in Gibraltar. My husband would not consider a trip to Spain without visiting "the Rock" as the British call it. We discovered beautiful views of the ocean and northern Africa. We also learned that a group of monkeys inhabits the top of the rock. Today, Gibraltar is still a British territory--you can have fish and chips at any of their restaurants and pay in British pounds too!

After Gibraltar we went to Granada a city full of tradition but also very modern because of the amount of tourists that come to visit it's pearl: The Alhambra. Called one of the seven wonders of the world. I never had the opportunity to visit Alhambra and of course I couldn't miss it this time. This palace which dates back to the Roman Empire, but was really brought to it's grandeur by the Muslim rulers in Granada. I could have easily spent days roaming it's gardens and enjoying the calming sounds of it's fountains which are in almost every outdoor patio and garden throughout the palace--but little nudges (and sometimes full outbursts) from all 3 kids reminded us that we needed to keep our visit to a two hour maximum.

As we left Spain, we left a little bit of tradition behind. The scenery of the country is varied and beautiful--a country so vast--sometimes reminding me of the southwest part of the U.S. But what struck me the most were the people: warm and friendly, passionate and dedicated to their families. I remember seeing throughout the many streets we walked, teenage girls holding their mother's or grandmother's hand. Family -- familia-- is so important in this culture. It was so refreshing to see that they honor and value their time with family so much. Spain, I hope to see you again. Hasta pronto.

Belgium

We made our visit to Belgium last October and I'm just now getting to posting pictures of our time there. I think I was most impressed by how much history Belgium had to offer. First off, we stayed in the attic of an artist's home which was right next to Graversteen castle in the town of Ghent, a town which dates back to the Middle Ages. Our accommodations were cozy, but the kids were very excited to be sleeping in an attic next to an old castle. We enjoyed touring the castle, which had many artifacts dating back to the Middle Ages complete with a torture room!  We saw many armors and swords and even an old guillotine and a few other torture devices--it was a tough time, the Middle Ages!!

After our castle visit, we went on a canal tour of Ghent. Known as the less touristy alternative to Brugges, Ghent offers just as much history and architectural beauty as it's next door cousin. The following day we headed over to Brugges to see the belfry tower. We climbed up 366 very narrow steps to the top to see a beautiful view of the town and a look at some of the bells which still play to this day. Food is a big part of Belgian culture and we enjoyed sampling some pommes frites and local chocolate and of course: beer. I enjoyed a cherry bear while my husband liked the heavier dark ales. Our short visit to Belgium was enjoyable and I marveled at the age of the towns we visited. The Belgian people seemed genuinely friendly and very open. It was sad to hear of the bombings that occurred in France and Belgium not too long after our visit there.

Going up the steps of Graversteen Castle. Ghent, Brugges

City view from the top of the Graversteen Castle

  

Relaxing while taking a canal tour of Ghent

Belgian waffles for every taste

Brugges' Belfry Tower

Dumond Chocolate Shoppe, one of the oldest in Europe

Playing in the park after a long day of sightseeing

The music box inside the belfry tower

One of the many chocolates Dumond Shoppe has to offer

Playing in the sand on the coast of Belgium 

Mannequin Piss or "The pissing boy" in Brussels. Our trip wouldn't have been complete without seeing
this popular sculpture.

At Grand Place, the old town square, in Brussels.

A shoppe selling Turkish treats

A horse farm next door to the second AirBnB we stayed at outside of Ghent