I have one piece of advice: STOP listening to every piece of advice you hear on parenting. In the beginning of my parenting years I strived for what I thought was perfection. I would read all the parenting magazines, blogs, books and try to find the perfect solution to every problem, to every detail. From what the children should eat, their health, exercise, what they should be reading, what toys to purchase and the list goes on and on. I was overwhelmed by all the advice out there. Sure some of it made a lot of sense to me. But in all honesty, some of it felt completely unnatural and foreign to the way I usually carried on my life.

Now that the kids are a lot older, I have realized that there is no perfect--only what is perfect for YOU. It started dawning on me after the kids entered elementary school. I would listen to other parents and moms go on and on about the virtues of this one method of learning, or this one product. But of course, the method and the product only goes as far as we make it go. I slowly started realizing that it's not about what books they are reading, what sports and activities they are involved with, what shows and movies they are watching. Sure, it is important to know what your kids are up to and understand the benefits and drawbacks that they are receiving and encountering. But what really makes that product, book or movie go the extra mile, is YOU.  Only you are able to understand and know what is best for your child and how you can make that book or activity work for them (and you).

My daughter put it best a few days ago when she compared me to two other moms who I admire greatly. She said one mom was the crafty mom, but that she was not in good shape. She said the other mom was in excellent shape and did all sorts of sports with her children, but never had the time to spend teaching them about music and art, and wasn't the cuddly mom. She said I was sort of in between--not quite as crafty but good enough and although sporty, I am not someone who'll go out into the woods spontaneously camping with my family. For her, this was the best of both worlds. I'm sure that if you asked my friends' daughters they would have a very different opinion of me and their moms.

And this is just right for my daughter--at least for now. I will never be the super organized mom, who can whip out a piece of art/craft in a few minutes. I will also not be the mom who sets up a tent in the wilderness--at least not entirely on my own ;) But I will be the mom who is striving to keep up with her children's activities and always trying to engage with them. Sometimes they might think it's boring that I always ask how they are doing and feeling. But I know that when they are in need for that hug--they will get it from me. And for some children, this is not what they need, not what they are used to. They will learn about resiliency and love in other ways. For me, one of my greatest joys is to have my family close to me doing an activity together, whether it is a sport outside or just reading books all cuddled up in bed. And that's the KEY. Let your children understand what is your JOY, what is it that makes you happy and what activities and passions can you share with your children. Once you discover that or share that with them, they will understand so many things about yourself and themselves.

Don't get me wrong. It is good to learn from our friends, our parents, our mentors. But it is also important for us to take those lessons learned and apply them to how we are, where we are in life, where our passions lie.

Some of us are stay-at-hom moms and can dedicate more time to one on one activities with our children or baking that apple pie with them from scratch. Others work a full-time job and can feel proud if they can show their children what it's like to be proud of the work they do, of a strong work ethic.

In the end, I think, that our children want to see us be happy. Not at their expense mind you. But they want to see us confident in what we are doing. They want us to engage with them and show them our passions--whether it's music, writing, art, sports, business, math, science, you name it.

If you can share that activity with your child, you will be able to connect in a way that some of us have failed to do.

SO my advice is not to strive to be this well-rounded person. I admit, there's nothing good about a parent who fails to get his child to school on time: EVERY DAY. I'm not advocating that. But I am advocating that you should cut yourself some slack on your downfalls and focus a little more energy on strengths you can model for your child. They will remember those far more, especially if you are able to engage them in those activities.