This past week at my home, presented itself with some challenges. My son had his first soccer game of the season. His dad, my husband, is also his coach and so the whole family went to support them. The game started off good enough, both teams were a little rusty, but still trying their best to score a goal. They are still young and have 6 players per team out on the field and do not play full field yet.
It was during the second quarter that the coach from the other team started switching her players every 10 or 15 minutes and we started seeing problems. Clearly, the team was not playing by the rules which state you only switch players after the end of the quarter, when you let your subs in, or in the case of an injury. Our team was disheartened and also distracted by this constant switching and soon what was a one point lead turned out to be a 5 point lead. They clearly brought in their star player and our team's focus and stamina was thrown off. At the end of the game we had two children crying and my son, who is usually not bothered by much, was saying he didn't want to play goalie anymore. It turned out one of his own teammates had said some discouraging remarks to him.
My husband did say something to the other coach about fair play after the game. I thought he could have said more during the game, but then again he is the coach, so I let him be. What I did tell my son is that it's from games like these that we get our hidden gems. So much to learn. Sure, it was clearly not fair playing from the other team. Sure, something could have been done to prevent them from scoring. But hopefully, our team rises above this and comes out very resilient from this experience. I also hope they realize that one game does not determine how you'll do the rest of the season. They have a lot of work ahead of them. But it's in these struggles that you realize what you are made of. You can be defeated by mean words or unfair actions, or decide to rise above and find who you truly are and how far you can go.
My daughter has also been struggling with a relationship that is not positive. A friend who constantly puts her down about everything she says, does or even how she looks. It finally came to a head today and we realized that it is the best to completely sever ties with the child as well as the family. It is sad, but we have given it our best effort. And now we realize that we have to find positive relationships for her as well as for ourselves. She has to slowly build her confidence up and we have to help her achieve it and help her find her strengths and understand her weaknesses but not consider them catastrophic. I confided in her that I had a bully in Middle School. Unlike her, I never confided in my parents, feeling that it would make me look even weaker and foolish. There was a lot of pain from those two years, but I rose above that. I would like for my children to understand that there's nothing wrong in how they look, act or think. Everyone has positives and negatives. We have to embrace as much as we can and change the things we really want to change (for the right reasons). The answers of course, sometimes take years to discover, but that's where the gems come out of.
I spent the whole morning talking to her about our differences and how beautiful it is to have people of different background, colors, religions, etc. Yes it's nice to find people with similarities, but it's also good to respect people that are different than us. I fear that somehow we will get stuck in a community that may not be open to people that are too different. Not because I feel that we are so different, but because I feel that I want my kids to embrace people different from themselves. I want them to struggle a little, to fall and scrape their knees. I also want them to succeed, but I want them to understand that the learning sometimes comes from the failures and that the real successes are because of those same failures.
I never realized until recently, that there is no shame in feeling less, in feeling humble, in feeling incompetent. It's in those times of need and hopelessness, that you realize that the true success is in getting up and facing your fears, beating the odds and jumping over the obstacles. If they weren't there in the first place, the success would not be as sweet!!
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